he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
