My friends, they love my intelligence
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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