were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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