i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
