We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
