I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
