youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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