If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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