The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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