eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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