i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
