Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize