Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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