do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
