You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
