This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
