It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
