I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
