I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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