I need to stop coming to work sober
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
