gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
