what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize