I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
