dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
