I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
