I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
