he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
