if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
