oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
