Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
