I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
