Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
