Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
