I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
