Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
