I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
