So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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