We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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