as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
