OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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