I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
