Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
