Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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