Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
