I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize