Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
