I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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