just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
