I wish my penis had an off switch
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
