I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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