I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Everything about him screamed your future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
