Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize