There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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