You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
