Where is the hickey?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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