you turned your livingroom into a bong?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
