It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
