I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
