Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
