i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
