New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dear god my vagina.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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