I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
