Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
