He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
