My first STD was from a foam party
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mom said you looked used
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
