i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
