The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
