Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
