I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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