dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They have beer where we have blood.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
