Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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