Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
